Paranoia Is As Paranoia Does
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you. Additionally, it also means, you certainly can ignore them. Don’t defy authority. Ignore it.
Up until sometime in the late 80s there were guard rails all over the place. Then somebody sued. We really don’t care because this was 1969.
Guard rails were arrangements of telephone pole rejects that stuck up about 3 feet high every 40 feet or so along the roadside. They were connected by lengths of 1-inch steel, braided cable. The purpose was to make it easier for first and second responders to retrieve your mangled vehicle and mangled corpse once you had run into them. They were subject to the elements.
The possession of more than three doses of LSD made you subject to very severe penalties for intending to distribute LSD. In those days that could be up to life in prison but they were usually merciful and would only demand 30 years. Turn on to that, Timothy. I know I never possessed more than 3 doses without intending to distribute them. That’s where the fun was. What would be the point? In my own defense, I never possessed more than even one dose of LSD without Abbey Road nearby.
The drill was, someone would drive the 30 miles into Pittsburgh. They would buy maybe 20 hits (doses) for $5 apiece. They would take some and drive the thirty miles back to distribute the rest for $10 dollars apiece. We were hippies but we knew the value of a dollar. To defend my commitment to capitalism, I freely admit that I was never involved in a drug deal where I didn’t profit. That’s another way of saying, I never got busted. I never begrudged anyone else’s profit.
We lived way out in the country. Trees, cows, pigs, chickens, acre upon acre of corn. Lotsa guard rails. Lots of people used to come to our Home in the Country. It was a youth and drug “sub-culture” hot spot. It was nice, we had fun. We thought it was a drug subculture hang out and were paranoid accordingly.
So, one afternoon these three jokers made that trek to Pittsburgh. (with, mostly our money) By the time they got back and were headed to the drug hot spot it was early evening. Because they were getting off on the acid by then, they decided it would be a genius idea to hide the acid. (Sure Kid. Why do you think they call it dope?) They stopped along the country road beside a weathered guard rail and stuffed the baggie down into the rain rotted opening at the top. It sure seemed like a reasonable precaution to them….at the time. Still rolling eyes.
They show up and tell the story of what they did. We were like: ‘Really? Guess we better go get it.’ Simple enough. Simple enough if they weren’t outright simpletons.
Well, they described the guardrail so, being fellow geniuses we took an ax. You know. Just in case.
Easy- peasy so far, right? Well, now it’s dark. These Cue Sticks can’t decide which guardrail it was but they did narrow it down to three. Or….. Or we only chopped three of them into splinters before we gave up. There are few things better than things no one asks you to explain. Particularly people in authority.. Try ignoring them then. “Jim, why did you chop apart three guard rails?” “ I refuse to answer on the grounds the answer would make me look stupider than I already do.”
The next day we went out in the sober daylight, with the ax. You know. Just in case. My friend walked directly over to a guardrail about 50 yards down the road, from the ones we chopped up, reached in and retrieved the baggie.
We all had a lovely day at our Home in the Country.
I don’t remember the acid but I remember the sun, the breeze, the people I always carry in my heart. That’s the whole point, of pretty much everything, isn’t it?
